By Garrison Keillor
Stories, monologues, and essays through Garrison Keillor, founder and host of A Prairie domestic Companion
The first retrospective from New York Times–bestselling writer Garrison Keillor celebrates the humor and knowledge of this grasp storyteller. With an advent and headnotes via the writer, in addition to accompanying pictures and memorabilia, The Keillor Reader brings jointly an entire diversity of Keillor’s paintings. incorporated are the “Pontoon” monologue, within which twenty-four Lutheran pastors capsize a ship as a parasail and hot-air balloon maneuver above; the Alaska adventures wrestler Jimmy “Big Boy” Valenti; a brand new model of “Casey on the Bat”; an resourceful memoir of lifestyles on the New Yorker; and a collection of precepts for all times, “What Have We realized So Far?”
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Extra info for The Keillor Reader: Looking Back at Forty Years of Stories: Where Did They All Come From?
My love, gentle of my existence, my curiosity in you is as great because the nice Plains. Please. proportion with me what's on your middle in order that we could hold close within the nice duet of matrimony. ” But she doesn’t are looking to speak, after all, she basically capability to strike a blow. “Humph,” she says, status up. “I understand you. you're purely announcing that. ” That is marriage, Figaro. A boy’s consistent fight to take care of his buoyancy. “Some of what you are saying, i guess, is true,” stated Figaro, “but a man wishes a spouse, a person who cares if you’ve collapsed within the bathe along with your leg damaged. ” Well, your probabilities of collapsing within the bathe are sharply superior by way of being married, the Don acknowledged. Marriage is a catastrophe for a guy, it cuts him up and broils his spirit piece by means of piece, until eventually there's not anything left of him however the hair and the harness. An unsatisfied guy with heavy eyelids seemed within the doorway to the living room, arms on hips, chewing a mouthful of peanuts. He seemed to be an proprietor or supervisor of a few type. “You on a holiday at once, Giovanni? Or is the piano busted? ” The Don grew to become with the best disdain and stated, “Oh. Cy. i assumed it was once you. ” “I employed you as a piano participant, Giovanni, now not a thinker. I’d prefer to pay attention much less pondering and extra tinkling. A note to the clever. ” the guy became and disappeared. The Don regarded down on the keyboard, plunked a pair notes, obtained up from the bench, and motioned to a desk within the nook. “We can sit down there,” he stated. “A existence and not using a lady is the lonesomest lifestyles i will imagine,” Figaro stated with a sigh. “I will be depressing with out Susanna. ” Life is lonesome, stated the Don, and lonesome isn’t undesirable, in comparison to determined. yet after all a guy aren't stay with no ladies. fortunately, marriage isn't a demand. not anyone wishes monogamy other than the unenterprising. Hungry girls are all over the place! Lonely housewives who market it on recipe playing cards pinned to a bulletin board within the Piggly Wiggly—wistful women on the copier, placing flesh to glass, faxing themselves to distant officedom—fervid girls sending out e mail invites—hearty gals understanding at the weight laptop who drop a notice on your highway shoes—cocktail joints alongside the highway, wall-to-wall with ladies whose lighting fixtures are on and vehicles are working! —Figaro, they’re in the market! loose. No felony agreement required. What may be greater? Figaro shook his head. “The lifetime of a libertine ends badly,” he stated. “You get previous, your enamel flip yellow, you odor like a mutt, and you've got to pay ladies to examine you. far better to marry, to be devoted, to construct a deeper partnership that might carry jointly during the poor storms of outdated age. ” My pricey Figaro, seduction is an paintings, to be discovered, practiced, tailored, and improvised based on the placement, and, like different arts, it is going to now not wilderness you overdue in lifestyles. “Seduction is a lie, and as we become old, we become bored with lies,” acknowledged Figaro. “We be aware of all of them and they’re no longer a laugh anymore. ” Seduction is a candy tale, and if the listener desires rather a lot to listen to it, then it really is no lie.